i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
