Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
