how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
