she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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