I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
