every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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