I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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