remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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