Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
