If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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