i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
