I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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