Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
