Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
