dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
