for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
