just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
