if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
