my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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