we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
