watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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