he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
