I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
