Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
