Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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