No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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