I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
