I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
