I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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