You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
