So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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