U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
