A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
