You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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