I wanna bring you to show and tell
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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