I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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