someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
