im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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