I am spending my child support on dildos
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
