the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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