Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
