Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
