True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
