well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
