i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
