You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
