Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
