after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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