New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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