Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
