Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
