Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
