so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
