you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
