in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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