Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
