Just cropdusted the office
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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