I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
