like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
