I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
