just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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