why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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