After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
