Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
