Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
