My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
