Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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