Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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